I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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