She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
COCAINE IS GR8
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
