I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
