I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
