Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
