I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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