How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
