i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
