Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
