I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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