Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
