Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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