Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
