Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize