I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
