I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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