Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
