if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
