That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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