my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize