can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
