May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
