When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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