I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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