She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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