why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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