i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
