I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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