I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
