He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
