And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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