spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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