Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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