Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
