The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Green mimosas i think yes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
