oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
