yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
