You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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