Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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