Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
