Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
