Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
