Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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