No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everclear isn't food dammit
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