Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize