I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
