The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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