like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize