No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
