She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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