Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
