Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
