If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Green mimosas i think yes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize