Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
