You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize