i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
