i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize