: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
