Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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