Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
