I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
