pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
