we're blogging at a bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
