You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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