What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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