I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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