Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
