I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize